It’s been a long and lonely Christmas day and evening. A few minutes ago I was getting ready to go to bed; I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow.
Then my kitchen door burst in and a gush of salty water pooled on the floor. I knew it was salt water because a bit of it entered my mouth, which was gaping in astonishment.
A tall dripping man stood before me. He was bearded, and his beard was stained green with algae of some sort. He carried a trident and looked amused at my surprise. I said:
“You must be Poseidon, but what the heck are you doing here so far from the ocean?”
“Oh, every now and then I get bored and swim up the Mississippi, just to see what’s up in your rather peculiar country. Such a young and newly-settled land, from my perspective, at least. I was rather annoyed that you American folks named a missile after me; what hubris!”
I have to say that keeping a conversation going with an ancient deity takes some effort!
“Well, Poseidon, have you created any new islands lately?” The god has a reputation for doing that from time to time.
“Oh, I always have a few welling up from the deeps. My favorite one was Surtsey, back a few decades ago. So dramatic, and it got good press!”
“I remember that. I was just a kid at the time. By the way, how old are you, anyway?”
“I lost count many thousands of years ago. What does it matter, after all? By my standards, you humans are mayflies.”
“So do any mariners still sacrifice horses to you?”
“No, that custom died out. The ASPCA would get all offended if that still occurred. I do have some good memories of horse blood gushing out from slit throats. Mariners’ wives would gather it in bronze basins and take it home to make into pudding.”
“How interesting! I can imagine the scene vividly.”
“Well, Larry, it has been nice to meet you. I need to swim back down the river and get back into the ocean. I’m due to preside at the birth of a few killer whales!”
The deity left, and I had to mop the floor.